Doubts and Dragons
by Quoththeraven1103
Summary: Raven is having doubts about everything, herself, sides, an old "friend", and most importantly a certain Titan Leader. Meanwhile Robin is starting to notice strange things happening in the tower, particularly around Raven and hes starting to worry Rob/Rae
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Warning this is my first FanFic and thus may be quite poorly written and not worth your time, BUUUUUT I am usually a very good writer and so maybe this nay actually come out really good, you'll just have to read and find out!**

**This fic is strictly Rob/Rae, though that does not mean that it won't at times appear to shift at times to go the other way. I'm not actually planning on that happening but then you never really know with my stories because they pretty much writes themselves it seems lol. **

**Well I suppose I should stop droning on with this and just get on with the dang story.  
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**Titans ages: Cyborg 19, Raven, Robin, and Starfire 18, Beast Boy 17.**

Rising with the sun, Robin awoke from another night of only minutes of sleep, none of it peaceful, and even more exhausted than before. He felt that if the nights kept going like this that he was going to end up just dropping one of these days, but until that day came he would just keep pushing.

Walking into his bathroom he glanced up into the mirror which doubled as his medicine cabinet door, he looked like hell.

His chin needed shaving, bad. It was a little known fact but the Titans' leader was more than capable of growing facial hair, and had many times considered doing just that, but, his need for efficiency in battle and to give of the appearance of being the well put together leader led to his daily ritual of meticulously shaving, removing any hints of hair and leaving his face smooth.

Moving away from the lower half of his face he looked at his eyes, still safely covered by his mask. He'd been so restless last night, with his insistent and purposeless rounds through the tower; checking the training room, making a cup of coffee, watching the monitors in their observation room, that he had simply left the unfeeling scrap of clothing **(cookies to whoever can tell me what movie that quote is from!)** in place on the off chance that one of the others would happen to be up as well; a very rare event for that late at night but defiantly not impossible, particularly with Raven. HE doubted she slept anymore than he did, and in some cases even less. Many nights he would be up in the Tower's research room, trying to drag out even the smallest scrap of information about whatever threat they may be facing then, and not retire to his room till two or three in the morning, leaving Raven sitting on the U-shaped couch reading one of her numerous books. After barely catching thirty minutes of sleep he would awaken, worrying himself over some villain, and be up and in the common room multiple times throughout the remainder of the night, each time Raven would not have moved from her spot. When morning finally did come, Robin would head to the kitchen to prepare _another_ cup of coffee, just in time to see the empath leave the couch and her book to head to the roof for her morning meditation.

Their nightly encounters became quite a routine and, while nothing was ever said between the two spare a few words, it was very comforting to Robin at times when sleep eluded him; something he would never have admitted.

Retreating from these thoughts, Robin continued his self evaluation, noting his spiky hair which seemed to poses a mind of its own, though this time it looked more messy than stylish. The depth of its black color was limitless and absolute, showing no sign of relenting, a pun on his own personality.

Stripping off his outer clothes, simple workout type clothes rather than his usual primary-colored attire, he switched on the faucet to cold water and peeled off his domino mask. With eyes closed he cupped his hands, drawing the water up with them, and washed his face. He then began his ritual shaving, precise and never nicking himself, even with closed eyes. He then grabbed a fluffy white towel from under the sink, drying his face and then quickly slipping back on his mask. He did not want to see what lay behind it anymore than he wanted to allow others to peer beneath.

Shutting off the lights he walked from the bathroom into his cluttered room with tattered news clippings and print offs. The bed lay against one wall, consisting of just one pillow, a thin sheet, and cotton blanket; nothing too comfortable. His closet, door which lay directly opposite to its twin which led to the bathroom, was open with one of his famous costumes hung on the back of the door. He strode over to it, grabbing it he quickly dressed, making certain to look well put together.

Finally content with his appearance, he quickly re-spiked his hair and left for the common room. With a swish of the door he walked in to an all too familiar scene, Raven sat with her legs curled beneath her, reading. She must have been very engrossed in its contents if she chose to miss the beautiful sunrise that was occurring outside to find out more. Robin walked over to their kitchen, flipping on _his_ coffee maker and sat at one of the barstools cutting an apple as he waited for it to brew.

It occurred to him though, as he sat whittling away, that something was odd beside Raven's remained presence in the room, their seemed to be a heaviness within, as if there were words hanging, waiting and wanting to be said. Maybe it was just him? But then he could have sworn as he glanced at Raven that there was something on her features which indicated that there was something on her mind; not the typical look of almost zoning that she got when she truly was concentrating on the words on the pages rather than in her head.

Clearing his throat Robin decided to break the silence, to see if perhaps in some passing words he could determine the root of this strange atmosphere. "Beautiful morning isn't it Rae?" he placed a warm smile on his face.

She lifted her head from the volume just enough that her eyes rose above the brim, twin amethyst orbs consisting of so much intellect and unique beauty. "It is," she said with a nod. A few moments ticked by while neither said anything, both looking out the large wall of windows which looked over the sparkling and dancing waters of the bay.

Robin somewhat itched for her to say something else, but she remained reserved. He gave another try at discovering the reason for this unnerving feeling with an innocent comment "Is your book interesting?"

She shot him an odd look before snapping the book shut and setting it on her folded knees, "It is," she gave a slight nod, appearing to have something else on her tongue but debating on whether to mention it. "Actually, Robin, it's th-."

As if on cue Starfire walked in, floating a few inches above the floor, obviously having a good morning, "Most glorious of mornings friends! Is it not the most splendid of beginning of the day?" A large smile was plastered across her face, encompassing most of the room on it; her eyes were squinted in pleasure making to large upside-down "U"s.

Robin replied saying a polite "Good morning Star," while Raven merely nodded her head in agreement. Starfire continued to babble on about the "glorious sun of rays" while she prepared breakfast for her beloved Silkie, Raven and Robin at this point had stopped listening.

Robin had returned his attention back to Raven, curiosity gnawing to know what is was that she had intended to say, but when his head had turned back to the couch he found it empty and watched her cloak swish through the automatically closing door.

Making a note in his mind to ask her about it later, he went and pulled his favorite cup from the cupboard and poured his black coffee into it, nodding in acknowledgement whenever Star addressed him.

**With Raven**

Raven padded her way down the hall nearly noiselessly, stopping only when she reached her door, quickly typing in the pass code, and entering with a swish of her cloak. Her room was so inviting to her, painted and decorated in such dark and cold hues, was, unbeknown to most in the tower, the warmest room of the building. The only two who knew were Starfire, because she was allowed within with Raven's permission, and Robin, because he knew _everything_ that happened in the tower.

Sitting on her dark purple bedspread, she looked down at the tome between her fingertips, it was a white book with engraved components of metal comprising the binding and lacing the covers. She carried a look of confliction and what could be considered sadness as she looked at it, slowly she traced her fingertip along the edge of the book in deep brooding thought.

With a heavy sigh she rose from her mattress and strode over to her numerous bookcases which made of one of her walls, and removed two or three novels, she then pushed the book she had been holding in vertically at the very back of the case, and then replaced the removed books, completely hiding its existence.

Turning back to her room she decided a shower would be a good idea, after all she had almost told Robin everything, some time away from him and everyone else was probably smart; they likely would not even notice her absence.

Why had she done that? True he was her closest friend and confidant, as well as being their leader, but still if he knew she doubted his reaction would be too peachy, he would likely lose any trust he managed to have in the half-demon.

Slipping out of her leotard and cloak Raven started her shower water, waiting for it to heat up to an acceptable temperature; she liked very warm water. Looking in her mirror with a towel wrapped around her torso she appraised herself, her large crystalline purple eyes, small but pointed nose, slightly pouted lips which almost always remained in a frown, and her gleaming red gem, or rather chakra, on her crown. She could agree that she was very unique in appearance in her face alone, and then to add in her grey skin and plum tresses, she delivered an altogether unearthly visage. But, to call her beautiful was something she could not see, pretty, perhaps, but never beautiful. She was content with that though, at least she had convinced herself of that fact, any person, rather from Earth or not would want to be considered something to be prized.

The fogging of the mirror she was gazing into announced that it was time for her to enter the rain of water before it lost any of its heat. Shaking her head slightly to displace her thoughts she threw her towel halfway over the shower rod and stepped into invitingly hissing and steaming water.

**In Raven's Room as she showers**

Silently a frosty feeling entered the once pleasant room, replacing it with a chill that delved all the way through the flesh to your bones. A stray ray of sunlight from the growing morning made its way through Raven's thick blue curtains, landing her bookcase; in its depths a certain white book gleamed.

**A/N Well there you go, the first chapter to my first ever fanfic, please read and review even if it's for nothing more than to give constructive criticism I would really appreciate it. And don't forget about my cookie offer in the story, where oh where do those words come from? And DO NOT cheat and google it! Thanks so much for your time, I'll try to update again soon but if I get NO reviews I honestly doubt I will. Just know that I PROMISE the story WILL get more action packed, right now I just kinda have to build it up to that, so bear with me! **

**~ Cathrynn-Rae ~ **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Well last I checked I got four reviews in a day on my first chapter, I just wanted to say thank you because that is waaaay more than I expected and it makes me a very happy camper knowing that it was read at all, I really appreciate it. So to demonstrate I'm going to go ahead and add chapter two, hopefully there will be fewer typos in this one simply because I'm writing it at nine at night rather than three in the morning, we shall see :) **

**I also wanted to congratulate **_**CrazyForThoseBlueEyes**_** for correctly saying where the quote came from, it was from Phantom of the Opera (my favorite movie in all of the history of movies!) Lets hear a round of applause for her *clicks applause button on MC remote* *automated claps***

**Furthermore I would like to note that there is a poll I recently added to my profile pertaining to which villains will be featured in this story, I strongly encourage everyone to head over there and vote, you're allowed to pick as many options as you want simply because I know I hate making choices so I won't force you guys to. Aren't I sweet? :D**

**Lastly, I suppose I should add this in seeing as I forgot to in my last chapter… **

_**I do NOT own Teen Titans or any of its characters. They strictly belong to Cartoon Network and DC Comics Universe.**_

**Without further ado… on with the story!**

**From Chapter 1**

_Silently a frosty feeling entered the once pleasant room, replacing it with a chill that delved all the way through the flesh to your bones. A stray ray of sunlight from the growing morning made its way through Raven's thick blue curtains, landing her bookcase; in its depths a certain white book gleamed._

**Chapter 2**

Her shower had, without a doubt, been one of the most relaxing and clarifying ones she had ever taken. She had stood under the torrent of scalding water until all traces of heat had left it, leaving her feeling refreshed with the finale of rejuvenating cool water. It was not until she had left the comforting confines of her bathroom that she had gained a sense of unease.

Stepping into her cavernous room she was surprised to feel a rather chilled atmosphere instead of the typical balmy room she was met with one more akin to a coastal New England town in winter in which one can never seem to pull the damp and cold from their bodies. This was rather a disappointment to her and caused her good mood to dampen somewhat. Still in her towel she checked all her windows and air vents searching for any leaks of clammy air, she found none. The room was simply cold with no explanation.

Resigning herself to the fact her room was not going to change anytime soon, she began to change into her uniform, seeking warmth from the thick wool of her cloak. Once clothed she sat on her bed once more, this time in a lotus position, feeling the need for concentration; not necessarily to meditate, but rather to think.

It had been nearly three years since the events with Trigon, when the world really had ended… but more importantly, when Robin had saved them all. Many liked to say that it was her doing but she knew better, he had gone all the way to hell and back to save her, he had fought demons, teamed up with Slade and risked his life on the off chance that there was something she could do. He had been wrong the whole time though, and still was, there was nothing she had done to fix the disaster which she had brought about, no that was all him. She had been the one to give up in the first place. It was true she had granted them all parts of her power, but that was not because she hoped they would defeat Trigon, no she had simply prayed that by some miracle they could at least survive the end of the world; with her last breath all she wanted was for them to survive. It was Robin who had been too stubborn to give in, it was he who had left any chance of still escaping her father in exchange for delving into the depths of hell to bring her back.

It was not until some days after the event that she had realized just how much he had been willing to sacrifice to save her; he had left Cyborg, Beast Boy, and most shockingly _Starfire_ at the mercy of her demon father to buy him some time. Upon realizing this she had felt a shift in the way she looked at her leader, she started to wonder about what he really did feel, behind that so protective of a mask what were his true motives? Had it just been his never ceasing resolve to not be defeated that led to him risking so much? Had it simply been his last ditch effort to save his world? Or was it… more? Did it have to do with her instead of all those other people? She reprimanded herself every time she thought in this direction, that couldn't be the case. This was Robin she was talking about, the one who never knew when to quit, the one who would let himself be beat to the edge of death just to get that last punch in, the one who had betrayed their trust and took on the persona of Red X just so he could try to capture Slade. There was no way that that same boy (well, man now) would turn around and risk everything and work with the man he hated more than anyone in this world, just to save her. No, the possibility of that was impossible and she tried very hard to not even think about that idea, it always caused a strange pain to her.

Raven was not naïve, she knew the implications of what she was thinking, and she damn well knew what that 'strange pain' was, even if she refused to expose her many emotions to others did not mean she could not express them with herself. Her many emotions inside took a sick delight in discussing this topic, simply because they all believed that one way or another this strongly affected each of them. Each had their own opinion and over the years a line seemed to have been drawn between them concerning whether or not action should be taken on what she was thinking. On one side you had Happy, Brave, Safe, and Curious, while on the other was Anger, Scared, Worried, and Sad; the deciding vote had come down to Intelligence, the voice of reason among all their arguing. For a long time she had remained on the fence, listening to both sides arguments but not making any decisions, but, finally after months of warring between the sides she had made her choice. Begrudgingly Intelligence had joined sides with those emotions who were opposed to taking any action, qualifying the decision with the reasoning that because Robin was her leader it would not make sense for the two of them to have anything past a teammate relationship. To do so would be reckless and unprofessional; that was something that all of the emotions could agree on.

As irony would have it, it was no more than a month after Raven had made her sound decision not to bring the situation to Robin's attention that the team had travelled to Japan. The same place where Raven's world once again was shaken to its foundation, to have Robin and Starfire not only show signs of possessing feeling for one another, but to kiss? And then for them to date for a, albeit short, time afterwards, had shocked her immensely. It went against all codes that superheroes followed, though never said, you simply were not allowed to date one another.

Robin and Starfire's relationship did not last long, rather only for three weeks before Robin seemed to drift further and further away from her. He had confided in Raven one night a week before his and Star's break up that he "felt wrong" with Starfire, and as luck, or fate, or irony would have it, the reappearance of Slade five days later was the end of their "fling."

Since that time things had not changed much between the inhabitants of the tower, at least not relationship wise. Cyborg and Beast Boy were still as close as ever, and just as competitive with video games, Starfire still had her pet Silkie and often tried to force her odd and inedible Tameranian foods down her friends' throats, Robin was still the workaholic and vainly searched night and day for Slade or some other criminal, and Raven. Raven was still Raven, she still hung back slightly from the group, though the years did help her to steadily open up little by little, she still immersed herself in the darker things of life, and still found no humor in Beast Boy's "jokes."

But there were some things that defiantly changed among the group, they all looked and acted slightly older and with it lost some of their teenage "know-it-allness" as well as some of their more childish features. The three boys of the team had grown some taller and particularly in Beast Boy and Robin, lost some of the roundness to their faces. Their cheekbones had become stronger and more pronounced, slimming down their faces and causing both to appear older and if possible more mature. The girls on the other hand had not gained much height, rather they earned more womanly figures with the passing years, both sported more curved figures, though Raven's was more pronounced having began with more rounded features to begin with.

To say it simply the group had grown up, and, all in their own ways were good-looking.

What had gone unrealized by the rest of the team, or so she believed, were Raven's rising doubts and concerns. As years passed, and she continued to block out her emotions, Raven more and more began to see the world as less of a hopeful place. Don't misunderstand; it was not that she could not see the good in the world (particularly that which her and her friends were doing) but rather the game of cat and mouse began to seem useless. For over five years the team had tried to bring Slade to justice for the mountains of crimes which he had committed and still he eluded them, with every criminal they put behind bars there was always another which took its place, and it was not long before they would break out again anyways. The team worked tirelessly and had themselves beaten to no end but without any marked improvement; no different than the nurse who watches so many people die in their occupation, Raven was losing hope in the battle they were fighting.

All these things and more crossed through her mind as Raven sat on her bed in deep thought, but most pressing of all was the forbidden place which she had found some comfort in for the last few weeks. She never would have imagined herself dragging that accursed book back out, and defiantly not to read it, but she reasoned that if all she was to do was read it that no harm could come from it.

The stories and words from Malchior's book was a place where she always had found comfort, protection, at least it had been until he had betrayed her and used her. She had vowed never to allow herself to be deceived like that again, so as long as she kept that in mind no harm could come from simply reading… right?

**Knock knock knock.**

The suddenness of the sound had caused Raven to jump; this annoyed her as she hated being surprised. With a huff she answered the summons with an impatient, "Yes?"

"Hey Rae?" Robin answered, somewhat hesitant. HE heard no further answer so went on with his purpose for coming to her door. "Umm I was just wondering if everything was okay, you kind of took off in a hurry this morning, and you seemed kind of preoccupied about something… So you okay?"

Raven had risen from her bed by this time and crossed her room to her door, opening it a crack, enough to be polite, but not enough to be mistaken as an invitation in, "I'd been up all night reading, I'm sure you can understand better than anyone that I needed a little time to rest up this morning Robin." Her face held no hint that there was anything she meant to conceal, but the thing about Raven was that what she expressed was just as much lie as truth.

Unimpressed Robin pressed further, "Yes I can understand that, Raven." He smiled, drawing her in, making her believe she had escaped, "But, that doesn't mean I run off either."

_Dammit, won't he ever just let things go?_ Raven thought impatiently, she wasn't feeling like dealing with a suspicious Robin right now, "Well the wonderful thing about people, Robin, is that we're all different."

Catching the growing tension Robin switched to a gentler tactic, "I'm not trying to make you mad, I just wanted to make sure you're okay. We're a team here right?" That same reassuring smile lit his features again, urging her to open up, but she wouldn't be had so easily.

"I'm fine really Robin, but thank you for your concern, I appreciate it." Raven allowed a small smile, ingenuine, certainly, but enough that Robin couldn't push further unless he wanted to threaten making her mad, or present some type of evidence.

Robin was a bit disappointed that she wouldn't let him in on what was going on past her impassive features, but then he above any could not blame someone for keeping secrets, for right now he would just have to trust Raven, he'd never had a reason not to before now. "Alright, Rae if you sure nothings up I'll let you go." He turned to leave and Raven began to close the door, but at the last second he turned back saying, "But you know we do miss you in the morning." With that he continued on his way down the hall.

Slowly Raven allowed the door to slide closed, her mind caught on that last comment, what was that supposed to mean? She stood stuck in the same place for minutes, simply contemplating what he could have meant exactly, it's not like they had ever really showed any concern that she spent most mornings in her room, she had always done that.

Giving herself a slight shake, Raven crossed the room to her bed and laid her head on her pillow, meaning only to allow herself a few moments of downtime, but in a short time she had drifted off to sleep.

As she slept her dreams soon shifted from peaceful ones of herself and the team sitting in the city's park, enjoying a warm meal of Cyborg's creating, to one which sent shivers down her spine. The vibrant colors and comforting smiles of her friends bled out. The park and its inhabitants turned into shadows of their former light, the once strong blues, greens, and reds were replaced by blacks, grays, and blues. The faces of her companions went from ones of content smiles to looks of anger and hate, all directed at her. Shocked by the sudden change, she gawked at them, stuttering out words of disbelief, "W-what did I do?"

Starfire narrowed her now crimson eyes at her, cringing her nose in a look of disgust, "As if you do not know."

Cyborg picked up the banter, "You planned this from the beginning didn't you _Rae_? We should have known years ago when we learned about your father what you really are. What you can only ever be."

"Yeah, I mean come on Raven, he created you, you said so yourself. You're his own flesh and bone; you're nothing more than a dark creature, pretending to do good, just waiting for the chance to slit all our throats. A wolf in sheep's clothing." Beast Boy let out a growl with his last remark.

Raven's head swiveled, looking at each of them in disbelief, shocked at their accusations. Finally her eyes landed on Robin, looking to him of all people for some type of reassurance, she found none. He fixed her with the coldest stare she had ever seen; even Slade had never received a look of such loathing from the Boy Wonder. "You were never a real part of this team. All you ever did was lock your way away from us, and now you've proved us all right. You've turned to a creature of darkness for comfort; you never deserved to be called a Teen Titan."

With that Raven awoke, tears ran down both of her cheeks in steady streams as she hugged herself. With a feeling of revulsion she ran to her bathroom and the contents of her stomach were removed as she choked on her own sobs.

She, the dark, strong, and independent member of the Teen Titans lost herself in her own self-pity.

**A/N whooooh that was a long chapter. Okay I know, I know, you guys are probably sitting there saying, "What the hell is wrong with Raven she needs to pull her fricken self together." And yes I agree, BUT, there is a deeper reason for her sudden MAJOR self esteem issues and they will all be explained you just have to be patient with me. **

**This will likely be the last filler chapter where I get you guys up to speed, I know it was a little slow getting there but the way I see it, the first chapter was more Robin oriented and this one was WAAAAAY Raven oriented, but because those two are like the main characters I think it's kinda important so that six chapters down the road you guys aren't sitting their saying what the hell they'd never be like that. Soooooo the moral of the story is….. BEAR WITH ME!**

**So anyways the next chapter is going to be when the story really starts moving towards actual critical events and start setting up a true plot now that I've gotten all my housekeeping deal out of the way. Ohhh and btw just so you know I may or may not be able to update until next weekend simply because I'm working crazy hours at a full time job and am uber busy during the week but I will try to update in as timely a manner as possible.**

**Well I think that's about all I have to say other than to remind you guys to review, and remember that if you have ANY suggestions on how this should go I beg of you to PLEASE either put them in your review or PM them to me, I need all the help I can get!**

**Well until next time, see ya!**

**~ Cathrynn-Rae ~**


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